Reyn's Room

I ask to myself a lot of times why I am still keep ruined by the fact that it's not us anymore. Maybe because I'm totally not over you. Maybe because it's still you I think about whenever I sleep, and wake up, and sleep again. Maybe because you're still here, just near me, that's why forgetting you became so uneasy. I tried some ways to recover from the pain, but I unsuccessfully did. Why did things happen this way? The way that I never thought would happen. The way that was not on my plans, my fantasies, my dreams. I still remember that night. That night we talked. That night we cried all over. That night, I died. And I thought there's no way I'm gonna live again.


As what my high school friends suggested me on moving on, I made a very hard step. I became distant. No text messages, no voice calls, no any form of communication. But who was the fool? I checked your Friendster profile almost every minute that I am logged on. I chatted with your best friend and asked you how you were. Completely fool, but with favorable excuse. What I learned was it's really hard to forget you. Even harder than my final exams. More difficult than facing my biggest fears. Fears. Put on the top the fear of losing you.


After two weeks of being a fool, I saw you again. You and I seemed so renewed, but not my feelings. Not my dreams. To tell you honestly, I fall for you over and over and over.


Sometimes I'm thinking whether you were just too unfair on doing the mutual, ideal kind of relationship most people should have, or, on the far side of things, I have just given too much. Or maybe this was just the way - fate - has brought us.


I want to stop. I want to go back. But there's no way. There's just no way.