Reyn's Room

I wish my heart was a stone, so I could feel no breaking, no suffering, or no regrets.


I wish I could easily mend my fragile heart, so there would be no sad thoughts, no lonely nights, no desperate cognition.


I wish someone's actions won't show a defining meaning for me.


I wish I could only laugh at my mistakes.


I wish I didn't love.


I wish it wasn't you.


I wish I didn't mean it.


I wish you didn't come through.





I couldn't take care of my delicate heart.

I feel so bereaved...






...but this is more than death.

Here I go again. My incurable sickness bring me abashed thoughts. The result? An unexplainable feeling of sadness.

A lot of things have been bothering me lately. And for reasons I don't know why, it seems like I'd want to falter. I'd want to give up. I'd want to stop. But when I think of you, the dark clouds in my imagination suddenly are replaced with a clear, blue, sky. When I imagine my unlimited happiness when I'm with you, I feel like life has brought me so many reasons to live. I feel like an angel soaring in heaven. With these thoughts, I don't want to think again of all the bad things in my life. I don't want to think of my past nor my future. I want to think of now. I want to always think of you.

It's funny how I expect too much from you when I actually don't deserve to be given that much. Nasanay lang siguro. I have always been thankful though, that you came. That you put extra effort for accepting what I am. For understanding my shortcomings and difficulties. For letting me stay in your house, for giving me anything that in your little effort would please me. For all those times that I felt love, even though sometimes that love broke my heart into pieces.

Maybe someday I'll find a road that will lead me back home. Back to my old self. Back to the normal me. I don't say that I became ab-normal, well I guess all people do when they fall in love. Time is a very precious thing that was given to us. This time will help me. This time will bring back my happiness again, bringing me into a place where I don't wanna think again of all my dysphoria, erasing all the fleeting thoughts of sadness, the blues, the dumps, and the heavy heart.